A Safe Haven for Haven | A Birth Mom’s Adoption Story – Part 1: The Beginning

I get questions all the time about my adoption story. Many people know about my story, but I get asked about it often. Why adoption? What happened? Do you see her? So I thought I would compile our story in a series of blogs, so that people can hear my story. Her story. Our story.

I have a three and a half year old daughter. She was born July 24th, 2015. Ten months leading up to her birth, my life took a dark turn. In June of 2014, I started a new job at a gym. I loved it. It was my first big girl job I had secured in my adult life and I finally felt like I was making some progress. As a single mom, I struggled so hard. I needed this job. I made friends, worked hard, and loved every minute of it. Two months into my job I met Matt. He was hired in our personal training department. He was quiet, but for some reason he caught my eye. I began to get nervous every time I saw him. We would talk occasionally, but he was new and wasn’t from the area. We always kept busy so I didn’t really get the chance to know him.

After a few weeks working there and a handful of awkward attempts at a conversation on my part, we started talking more. I remember one particular day was stressful for both of us. I, casually, joked that we should go get drinks together. We made plans to head downtown and explore the area since he was from the coast, and hadn’t been here long. He wrote his number on a sticky note, said to meet him at his place in a hour, winked at me, and walked away. By this point, I was so intrigued by his demeanor. I couldn’t figure it out and it was nerve racking.

So later on that evening, I finished up at work and headed over there. After some conversation we decided that getting an Uber downtown was just a lot and we were both exhausted, so we stayed in and he cooked me dinner. A few beers and a handful of

tequila shots, later I woke up in his bed. Shocked and embarrassed was an understatement. I never did that kind of stuff. Ever. Especially with someone I hardly knew. I made my up my mind. I was going to leave him alone, because I didn’t need to get into that never ending cycle. I had a son. I was a single mom. Casually, sleeping with random guys wasn’t on my agenda.

I tried so hard to ignore him. I really did. I knew it was bad for me, but he gave me attention. He made me feel like I was worth his time. A one night stand turned into some uncomfortable, sort of casual relationship. He would take me out to lunch almost daily, cook me dinner, and after a few weeks I was spending half the week at his house. By this time I was head over heels for him. He was gorgeous. Established. Self sufficient. After a few months, we were basically dating. But, we weren’t. He wouldn’t give me the commitment I wanted. I was very upfront with what I was looking for, but he never made it clear what he wanted. He wanted me and when he didn’t have me he was always asking for me.

Our relationship was obvious. Everyone at work knew we were seeing each other. But all the signs were confusing. Again, I told myself that he was bad for me and I tried to distance myself,but as you can imagine, that’s difficult to do when A. You’re attracted to someone and B. You work together. Our relationship, or whatever it was, continued. I was so happy. This was the first time anyone had shown me the attention he had in years. What I didn’t pick up on was the turn the relationship was taking.

It started with comments about what I was eating, how I should eat healthier, and drink more water. Which turned into making me workout, followed by comments on my clothes. How I was dressing, doing my hair, and doing my makeup became a topic of discussion all too frequently. But it didn’t matter. I thought I was in love with him. So I complied. Looking back, I can see all the warning sign of his narcissistic behavior. If only I had seen them then.

November rolled around and I was let go from my job. My coworkers had been harassing me about my relationship with Matt for months. The jokes and crude humor were endless. After bringing it to the attention of my boss, he decided it would be easier for him to let me go than to deal with the HR paperwork. North Carolina is a Right to Hire state which means you can be let go without a written reason. I was devastated.

Matt was supportive, voiced his distaste for my termination, and said he wanted me to stay at his place so I would be close to him. So, on the days I didn’t have Marcus that’s exactly what I did. I cooked for him, did his laundry, cleaned for him and shopped for groceries. I was, by all definition, his housewife half of the week. The week following thanksgiving, I had to have some dental work done and I was in a ton of pain. I took some pain meds and went to sleep. The following morning, Matt left for work and I was feeling super awful. I was tired and more nauseous than I hard ever been. I figured it was the pain meds. About an hour later, I realized I hadn’t had the pain meds since the night before. There was no way that was the cause. I stood, panicked, in Matt’s living room. “What if I’m pregnant?” I thought to myself. There was no way. I was on birth control and hadn’t missed a single day.

I walked into the bathroom and sat there. A thousand thoughts were running through my mind. Three minutes later, sure enough, that little pink plus sign showed up and my heart sank into my feet. I was pregnant.

Part 2 – The Decision coming soon!



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